Review - Darksiders

So i’ve been told by the cult masses “Jesse it sure has been a long time since you’ve written a review” and to them i’ve said “Fuck you noone pays me for this you cheap stingy bastards”. Anyway so Darksiders as everyone has played, heard and blah-blah is a god of war, zelda puzzle action game thing about the apocalypse well yeah thats really it. You “Thats You” get to play as “WAR” a Monkey who rides a horse who gets summoned to fight demons and angels but the apocalypse didn’t actually happen yet and well now people aren’t exactly happy with war as he killed a bunch of humans, demons and angels who where all convineintly in one location. You can probably tell its wars redemption story as he got set up with one twist the twist being it’s really really really fucking boring story seriously everyone is ether ridiculously angsty, evil or just creepy and you’d think you’d get some powers as war like make everyone kill eachother or summon dead armies but you get a power that summons blades from the ground and turn your skin to stone WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH WAR, also those are the only 2 powers you will ever need in the hole fucking game. combat is very god of war with one button you press the same attack button all the time you do get a second weapon when you buy it but its pretty fucking useless and you may aswell stick to the one weapon, Also you get a gun that does no damage and cant be upgraded other then once changing it to useless to no damage. Puzzles are exactly the same as zelda puzzles E.G. push blocks here, throw boomerang here and shoot portal gun here and he… wait the last one was just a rip off of portal. this game has one of the most dragged out endings ever seriously i thought i was at the end at one point then had to sit through another 3 hours of puzzles and there was no combat at that point for a few hours just puzzles and angsty cutscenes. The boss fights are piss weak other then the first one is actually really hard but you become the most overpowered thing ever and the last boss fight took me a total of 3 minutes and that character had 2 forms aswell. Look i enjoyed the first half of “Darksiders” as a good grind while i was sick but it gets old fast when you realize the game doesnt finish as soon as you’d hope if that sounds like your kinda game go for it but if you throw it out a window, stomp on it then set it on fire I wouldn’t blame you and i don’t think anyone else would. plus this game is years old and i know no one gives two shits about it anymore

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